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Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

When you hear the word “abusive” you probably immediately think of physical violence, but relationships can…

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When you hear the word “abusive” you probably immediately think of physical violence, but relationships can be abusive in other ways. Maybe your partner doesn’t hit you, but they use other ways to try to exercise control over you. Keeping you away from your friends, manipulating you, devaluing your thoughts and feelings are all forms of abuse. It is called coercive control, which is an ongoing multipronged strategy of controlling someone’s behavior. While women can engage in this type of behavior they are most often the victims. Coercive control doesn’t usually start with physical violence, making it harder to identify this as abusive behavior, but it often leads to it. It can be thought of as one person overriding the free will of their partner and taking advantage of the bond of the relationship. At first, it can seem to a victim, like the other person is just very adoring, but larger patterns of restrictions can emerge over time. How do you know if you are in a coercive relationship? These six behaviors are major red flags. 

Your partner demands you account for your time. Coercive controllers using this tactic will demand a detailed account of your time spent away from them, and then assume you are hiding something if you leave out any detail. As a result you limit what you do without your partner to avoid getting the third degree when you go out on your own. 

Your partner freaks out when they can’t reach you. The coercive controller will use any excuse to make it seem like their partner is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. If you don’t answer a phone call or respond to a text right away you will be accused of ignoring them, or worse. In response you will drop everything to respond to their text or answer their call to avoid a confrontation later. 

Your partner controls your money. Coercive controllers will use money as a means of trying to limit your freedom. They will do anything from telling you how to spend your money to completely taking control of your finances. Severely regulating how much money you have to spend, hiding money and making major financial decisions are ways to keep you under control. 

Your partner keeps you away from family and friends. The coercive controller will try to distance you from your family and friends because the abuser can’t control what your loved ones might say about the relationship. This can be done subtly by regularly pointing out the faults of your loved ones, or by outright making it clear that they don’t like them. 

Your partner makes you question your sanity. Coercive controllers are good at this, it is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their feelings, instincts and sanity. This gives the abuser a lot of power and may make a victim more likely to stay in the relationship because they don’t trust their own perceptions. 

Your partner pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to. The coercive controller will demand sex, or certain sex acts that can make the victim feel bullied or humiliated. They will demand sex even when you have made it clear you aren’t interested. This form of control is sexual abuse even if you are in a relationship with the person. 

What should you do if you find yourself in this type of relationship? It is crucial to talk to a domestic abuse advocate about your situation, they will best be able to help you decide what is right for you. You can find help at organizations like The National Domestic Violence Hotline and The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. You should also seek help from your family and friends, they are always your first line of defense. 

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Love in the Time of Coronavirus: Dating During Covid

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The coronavirus heavily impacted so many areas in our lives. Finding love, a common preoccupation especially among singles all around the world became even more impossible as lockdowns were established to halt the rapid spread of the COVID-19 infection. A multitude of dating apps suddenly sprung up to cater to the loveless, allowing more people to mingle online instead of offline.

Dating Coronavirus

When quarantine measures first occurred in the early part of 2020, Alan McMahon, a 29-year-old freelance production manager, subscribed to the $30 monthly subscription on one of the dating apps, Hinge. There, he met Brooke, his current girlfriend.

The two eventually decided to hike across the Runyon Canyon, Los Angeles’ popular and scenic trail. During the said hike, they became increasingly at ease with each other until they decided to remove their masks. That was the time when Alan knew this date was different. “All caution was thrown to the wind,” asserts Alan, referring to the famous coronavirus protocol of wearing masks while in the presence of other people.

That was a few months ago. Now, the couple are still together, splitting their time together between her Long Beach apartment and his West Hollywood one. Both have accomplished the impossible and found love during COVID-19.

Alan believes that he has “found his soul mate during the most unlikely of times”. They are hoping to get married in Vegas as soon as the chapels open there.

Dating Exclusively

While this sounds like a perfect, if not improbable, reality for all, dating sites have become even more popular as more and more single people hope to find someone to be with online. Experts assert that the current pandemic has actually made it even more convenient for singles to find possible matches.

“Because we have this dedicated time to find love, there are no distractions — you’re not a bar looking at people around you or looking at your drink. Everyone’s more present and they are more conscious about the way they are showing up to these virtual or real-life dates,” shares Yue Xu, co-host of the ‘Dateable’ podcast.

Indeed, more individuals find it easier to focus their attention to finding more serious, exclusive relationships as they are able to pick their matches using these dating apps. They get to pinpoint possible prospects using these apps’ feature of entering specific traits they may prefer and go on from there.

Love and Companionship

One of the greatest challenges pre-COVID-19 was that there were too many candidates out there. Everyone was preoccupied with work, studies, and other things. Now, however, people get the much-needed time-off from their regular, busy lives. Singles are provided the chance to look into their individual, isolated lives and realize the importance of companionship—and, ultimately, love.

Perhaps, one of the major lessons from this pandemic, then, is that we are all social beings—we all long to be with someone other than ourselves. Like Alan and his girlfriend, Brooke, love during Covid can still become a reality for single adults who continue to long for a partner to share their lives with. The internet is filled with many dating apps to help make that pervasive dream a reality.

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Beauty

Deep Breathing Techniques To Change Your Life

  

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 Breathing is fundamental. If you’re not breathing, you’re not living. But did you know if you actually focus on your breathing you can help lower blood pressure, sharpen your memory and reduce stress? That’s right, taking deep focused breaths can actually save your life. That’s why we want to give you a beginners guide to learn how to breathe deep and better enjoy your life.

4-7-8 BREATHING

     Don’t channel Bill Clinton, because for this exercise you’re actually supposed to inhale. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds. Try to fill your belly up with air instead of your chest. Then hold your breath for seven seconds before slowly exhaling out of your mouth for eight seconds. Repeat this for a couple of minutes and then work up to repeating longer. This is a great way to get oxygen in your blood which is great for your body.

BREATH THROUGH THE CRAVINGS

     Instead of binge-drinking, binge-eating and binge-watching try binge-breathing. If you get a craving just sit up straight and take some deep breaths until you no longer crave those bad body no-nos.

Let’s face it, booze TV and cookies are bad for you, and breathing is good for you. So instead of indulging in those sinful treats, just breathe and feel the cravings melt away. 

DON’T JUST SIT AROUND

     Make sure you get up every house at work or around the house and take a small little walk around, drink some water and take a couple of minutes to breathe deep and center yourself. You will be astonished at how much this improves your attitude for the rest of the day and improves your ability to think on your feet and remain calm as well.

GET SOME APPS

     You don’t have to remember all of these steps yourself, there are apps that are specifically made to make it easier for you to remember these deep breathing techniques. Search your app store for apps like Breathe or Calm. These will all keep you focused on deep breathing for a minute every four hours. Come on, you have one minute to spare every four hours, don’t you? If you don’t then you are probably really stressed out and need more deep breathing than ever.

    Deep breathing may very well save your life, so why not take some time out of your day to give it a try. Let’s face it, everyone could be less stressed and have a sharper memory. Working hard doesn’t mean you have to be hard on your body and sometimes eating right and exercising just isn’t enough. When you need to take that extra step then give deep breathing a try. If you breathe deep every four hours and already sleep for eight hours then that means you just need four minutes per day to focus on deep breathing and the benefits make those four measly minutes worthwhile.


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Beauty

Indulge In These Starbucks Drinks Without Feeling Guilty!

A lot of us are addicted to Starbucks. The coffee chain is the easiest way to get your daily dose of caffeine while on the run. You can rely on Starbucks and you’ve grown to trust Starbucks. But what you don’t know is that many of the drinks you slurp down from this chain are […]

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A lot of us are addicted to Starbucks. The coffee chain is the easiest way to get your daily dose of caffeine while on the run. You can rely on Starbucks and you’ve grown to trust Starbucks. But what you don’t know is that many of the drinks you slurp down from this chain are actually pretty fattening. If you’re getting a venti frappuccino with extra whipped cream and a caramel swirl then guess what, that is not a healthy friendly drink. Also with all that sugar, you are setting yourself up for a serious crash. Which kind of defeats the purpose of drinking coffee in the first place.

You don’t have to sacrifice your diet to drink Starbucks, they have plenty of great options that are all under 100 calories so you can stay alert and slim at the same time.

 

Iced Coffee

Iced Coffee is the best bet when you’re looking for a drink that is low calorie. If you get it unsweetened it is only five calories. FIVE! You probably burn more than five calories when using your lip muscles to slurp that drink down. If you hate unsweetened coffee then get it “lightly sweetened” which will bring it up from five calories to sixty, which is still pretty darn good.

 

Cold Brew Coffee

If you’re looking for more of a caffeine punch than cold brew coffee is the one for you. This drink also only has five calories and you can add some non-fat milk to make it 25 calories. Drinking a cold brew coffee will have you bouncing off the walls and your calorie count will still be unbelievably low.

 

Iced Skinny Mocha

If you want some chocolate in your coffee but still want to keep it reasonable then try the iced skinny mocha. You will hardly believe that you’re only drinking 70 calories, but trust us it’s true. With this iced skinny mocha, you won’t be sacrificing taste as much as a skinny mocha sounds. This drink is still very enjoyable despite a few calories.

 

Caramel Frappuccino

Yes, the caramel frappuccino will have exactly 100 calories if you order it light. You need to ask for it to be light or else you will just get a regular gut-busting caramel frappuccino which is definitely not 100 calories. Also light means no whipped cream.

 

Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte

Lattes are great and this one is no exception to the rule. You can sip on this every day considering it’s only 60 calories. At 60 calories it’s hard to say no to this scrumptious treat.

 

Iced Caffe Americano

Americanos are great because they’re just shots of espresso in water and poured over ice. That means that this drink is only ten calories. Just be careful, as with all of these drinks, that you don’t add too many extras including cream and sugar because each pour of extras means extra calories which can add up quicker than you’d think.


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