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Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

When you hear the word “abusive” you probably immediately think of physical violence, but relationships can…

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When you hear the word “abusive” you probably immediately think of physical violence, but relationships can be abusive in other ways. Maybe your partner doesn’t hit you, but they use other ways to try to exercise control over you. Keeping you away from your friends, manipulating you, devaluing your thoughts and feelings are all forms of abuse. It is called coercive control, which is an ongoing multipronged strategy of controlling someone’s behavior. While women can engage in this type of behavior they are most often the victims. Coercive control doesn’t usually start with physical violence, making it harder to identify this as abusive behavior, but it often leads to it. It can be thought of as one person overriding the free will of their partner and taking advantage of the bond of the relationship. At first, it can seem to a victim, like the other person is just very adoring, but larger patterns of restrictions can emerge over time. How do you know if you are in a coercive relationship? These six behaviors are major red flags. 

Your partner demands you account for your time. Coercive controllers using this tactic will demand a detailed account of your time spent away from them, and then assume you are hiding something if you leave out any detail. As a result you limit what you do without your partner to avoid getting the third degree when you go out on your own. 

Your partner freaks out when they can’t reach you. The coercive controller will use any excuse to make it seem like their partner is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. If you don’t answer a phone call or respond to a text right away you will be accused of ignoring them, or worse. In response you will drop everything to respond to their text or answer their call to avoid a confrontation later. 

Your partner controls your money. Coercive controllers will use money as a means of trying to limit your freedom. They will do anything from telling you how to spend your money to completely taking control of your finances. Severely regulating how much money you have to spend, hiding money and making major financial decisions are ways to keep you under control. 

Your partner keeps you away from family and friends. The coercive controller will try to distance you from your family and friends because the abuser can’t control what your loved ones might say about the relationship. This can be done subtly by regularly pointing out the faults of your loved ones, or by outright making it clear that they don’t like them. 

Your partner makes you question your sanity. Coercive controllers are good at this, it is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their feelings, instincts and sanity. This gives the abuser a lot of power and may make a victim more likely to stay in the relationship because they don’t trust their own perceptions. 

Your partner pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to. The coercive controller will demand sex, or certain sex acts that can make the victim feel bullied or humiliated. They will demand sex even when you have made it clear you aren’t interested. This form of control is sexual abuse even if you are in a relationship with the person. 

What should you do if you find yourself in this type of relationship? It is crucial to talk to a domestic abuse advocate about your situation, they will best be able to help you decide what is right for you. You can find help at organizations like The National Domestic Violence Hotline and The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. You should also seek help from your family and friends, they are always your first line of defense. 

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Best Charities To Donate to To Help Animals

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A lot of people want to donate to charities that help take animals away from situations that hurt them. If you’re not sure which charity to donate to, Animal Charity Evaluators has your back. 

ACE is a California-based nonprofit company that releases annual lists of top recommended animal charity foundations, and they offered assistance by funding some of Future Perfect’s work for 2020.

Most of the charities featured in the list are focused on strategies that can get around factory farming by enforcing the transition to plant-based diets, or at the very least, by improving the conditions in factory farms. 

Focusing on factory farms makes the most sense because this is usually the site of suffering on a large scale. Unfortunately, death is not the only unpleasant process that happens on these farms, but a lot of the animals suffer a lot before they are killed. 

In these farms you’ll notice that pigs, calves, and hens are put into extremely small spaces where they have little to no wiggle room, and that the things they undergo are so horrific that there are ag-gag laws which are used to hide the details of the cruelty from the masses. 

ACE looks and promotes the most effective way to help animals, and have three main criteria when it comes to choosing and recommending certain organizations:

  • Charities must be able to produce greatest gains for animals
  • Charities should evaluate and improve their programs actively
  • Charities must present a demonstrated need for funding

With these three evaluating criteria in mind, ACE chose these organizations that you can donate to.

Wild Animal Initiative

This is a new entry compared to the other charities listed, and the goal of this charity is to research and advocate ways to assist free-range animals.

The Humane League

This charity runs campaigns that urge corporations to adhere to higher animal welfare rules, and also promotes grassroots legislative advocates.

The Good Food Institute

This charity focuses on the development of plant-based substitutes to meat, eggs, and dairy. They believe that developing plant-based options is an effective way to weaken animal agriculture.

Albert Schweitzer Foundation

This charity group has outreached corporations to promote the use of humanely raised products and they also offer legal services. They are also one of the first animal charity groups that prioritized corporate outreach for farmed fish.

If you are looking for the best animal charity group to donate to, you should check out ACE’s list so that you can look into the different charities and their advocacies and determine whether your values align with theirs.

Being able to donate to charities that help prevent animal suffering, and while it may not be you going to these farms to stop the horrors, supporting charities is an easy way to help. 

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4 Things That People with Multiple Partners Want You to Know

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Polyamorous relationships are not everyone’s cup of tea. However, there are some couples who find it better to have a so-called third wheel. Others discover that having multiple partners work best for them.

Polyamory is not a popular lifestyle choice. Most people opt to enter monogamous relationships, preferring to have one partner at a time. In fact, individuals who opt to have multiple partners are usually frowned upon. To better understand why some people adopt—and perpetuate—polyamory, we collated several reasons:

They’re not the jealous type.

Dr Elisabeth Sheff, author of the book entitled “Polyamorists Next Door” asserts that people with multiple partners do not easily get jealous. Additionally, polyamorists assert that opting to be in a polyamorous relationship even helps overcome that natural predilection. They mention that being in a relationship with multiple partners allows you to ease too much focus on a single partner and distribute your affection to accommodate all the other partners you have.

The relationship isn’t purely about sex.

Sheff claims that people with multiple partners do not merely opt for the said lifestyle due to their need for physical intimacy. However, it is still one of the major reasons. Sheff shares that polyamory also works for her and her wife, especially since she travels a lot and they rarely have time for their relationship. 

“We have a lot of flexibility, but we don’t tend to act on it very much. Me because I don’t have a very high sex drive, and her because she’s been working like a fiend. She’s very serious about her career, and spends zero time trying to date. It’s only happened the once, where she met someone she really connected with,” she explains.

For some, having multiple partners helps provide the intimacy that may sometimes be lacking in a purely monogamous arrangement, as well. 

People fall into this lifestyle.

Sometimes, couples choose to try the lifestyle and find out that it makes their relationship better. “We learned a lot about how poly worked…and soon it was quite a normal thing in our social circle,” mentions Alex who also practices polyamory together with his wife. He narrates that, at first, he and his wife were reluctant to adopt the lifestyle. “It did make us more relaxed about other things, we became more comfortable telling each other when we found someone else attractive or had fun flirting with someone or whatever,” he explains.

It requires constant and open communication.

To maintain the beneficial effects of having multiple partners, Alex and his wife adopted the necessity of having constant and open communication. He says that they make it a point to prioritize their relationship even as they practice polyamory. He shares that it isn’t always easy. “…we found we were able to work things out for ourselves through lots of honesty and conversation and being loving and considerate in a way that has also made our relationship much deeper and stronger,” Alex explains.

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Study Says Lockdown Helped Make More People Happy

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According to the Bennet Institute for Public Policy in Cambridge University, about half of the people who previously reported feelings of happiness decreased in the 3 weeks right after the lockdown. Data from various platforms mention that only about 51% of Britons declared feelings of joy before the report of the first COVID-19 death in the UK and only 25% were feeling happy after the declaration of lockdown on 23 March.

When the lockdown eased a bit, however, numbers started improving as around 47% started saying that they were happy by the end of May.

The same research also mentions that there is a relative difference between the rich and the poor in terms of happiness levels in relation to the lockdown. Those who were well-off in life mention the dwindling levels of joy while the poorest sector asserts a rise in hopefulness and satisfaction.

Dr Robert Foa of YouGov-Cambridge Centre for Public Opinion Research and Cambridge’s Department of Politics and International Studies mentions, “It was the pandemic, not the lockdown, that depressed people’s wellbeing. Mental health concerns are often cited as a reason to avoid lockdown.”

“In fact, when combined with employment and income support, lockdown may be the single most effective action a government can take during a pandemic to maintain psychological welfare,” Foa adds.

In many parts of the world, there is a huge outcry for aid especially because the widespread declaration of lockdowns caused many people to lose their jobs. Many people were also cut off from their loved ones due to the social distancing requirement that is still in effect today. People who were used to freely mingling and going out daily were suddenly left with nothing to do and no one to be with. The sudden need to stay indoors greatly affected the different aspects of living, causing huge impacts on both physical and mental well-being.

With the news of various attempts to discover an effective vaccine for the coronavirus and the increasing improvement in contract tracing and testing, many people are feeling hopeful once again. The need to go back to various jobs and reconnect with loved ones allow more people to regain the positivity that was lost during the height of the pandemic.

Summary

The sudden onset of the unprecedented COVID-19 crisis heavily affected the whole world. Various countries around the world were forced to enact hard lockdowns and require social distancing protocols to stop the rapid spread of the deadly virus. The general feelings of happiness decreased during the onset of the pandemic as the report of the first UK death made people realize the seriousness of the issue at hand. With the attempts to discover a vaccine for the disease, however, and the gradual easing of lockdown in the country, more and more Britons are now claiming feelings of hopefulness and joy. Around the world, the clamor for a definite covid-19 cure is heard.   

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