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How To Have The Money Talk In A Relationship

If you want a happy relationship, it’s obvious that you’ve got to talk about sex, which…

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If you want a happy relationship, it’s obvious that you’ve got to talk about sex, which can be pretty tough. But new data shows talking about money in a relationship might be even harder. The LearnVest Money Habits & Confessions survey, released in December 2016, shines a light on exactly how much taboo can surround money matters for some couples. Luckily, even though money can be a fraught topic, it doesn’t have to wreck your relationship. Better yet, it can actually make your bond stronger.

 

Some of the most fascinating revelations from the survey, which polled 1,000 people, include that 68 percent of Americans say money leads to more tension in their relationships than sex does. That actually makes a lot of sense, according to Alexa von Tobel, founder and CEO of LearnVest. “A talk about money is rarely just a talk about dollars and cents, it’s a more intimate reveal of beliefs and values, expressed through how you spend,”. The survey includes other surprising tidbits, like that 32 percent of poll respondents don’t know their partner’s salary, and 58 percent would rather roll solo than stay with someone who couldn’t be responsible with their finances.

 

As important as money is in a relationship, it’s often easy to avoid the topic. But that can do so much more harm than good. “Money is tied to our most basic sense of security, and any breach of financial trust can permanently damage the relationship. Better to be honest and deal with a conflict than to maintain secrets,” von Tobel says. Neglecting these discussions might leave your relationship vulnerable to cracks. “Couples who can discuss the basics of financial goals, including planning for the future, retirement, and creating shared investments, usually feel tighter bonds and are less likely to split up over minor disagreements,” says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., certified sex and relationship therapist, board-certified sexologist, and author of The New Monogamy.

 

That’s not to say you need to know every last detail of your partner’s finances. Here’s what you should find out, if you don’t know it already. When it comes to must-have intel, your partner’s current state of debt is way up there. “Some people are comfortable carrying debt like a credit card balance while others aren’t, so it’s important to make sure you are on the same page,” von Tobel says. You should also know whether they’re a spender or a saver, how they feel about their current income, and what their income-related goals are for the future. If you learn something that makes you nervous, don’t freak out. Sure, some financial habits are red flags, but you can work on them together if you’re in it for the long haul. “The goal isn’t to decide who’s ultimately right, just to get on the same page so you’re not fighting every time you write a check,” von Tobel says.

 

If your partner has committed any “financial infidelity” in your relationship, knowing about it is much better than the alternative. It’s one thing if your partner tells you a white lie about an expensive purchase then eventually fesses up, von Tobel says. But if you notice they have a habit of routinely hiding money-related information from you and they aren’t committed to changing, it’s time for a serious discussion about your future together.

 

So, here’s how to actually have the Money Talk in a relationship. Set the scene. That means choosing a time when you’re both well-rested, in good moods, not dealing with distractions, and both of you know the conversation is about to happen. “It seems that no one really feels good about money, but be sure to check any negativity at the door so you can both stay focused on making progress,” von Tobel says. She also recommends having a game plan in mind, “Whatever your goals, come ready with the information you’ll need to make decisions together.” Before you dive into the nitty-gritty, it can help to start with some positive reinforcement. Nelson suggests bringing up something you appreciate about your partner’s way of handling finances. “People respond positively to appreciation, and they will withdraw if they feel criticized,” she says. And if there’s an area they excel in where you could use some help, ask them for it. Maybe you can set up a system where you’re each using your financial strengths to compensate for each other’s weaknesses, which can only help fortify your bond.

 

If you’re having a money conversation because you’re upset with how your partner is handling their cash, work on new budget parameters both of you can follow, and offer ideas for how you can improve your own spending and saving. When discussing specific spending behaviors you’re not a fan of, try to use “I” statements, such as, “I feel anxious about how little of a dent we’ve made on our mortgage, and I think there are ways we can contribute more each month.” That kind of language is less likely to make people feel defensive, so your partner is more likely to listen to your actual concerns than put their guard up.

 

Throughout it all, be honest with your partner. If talking about money is hard for you, say so. If you think you need weekly or monthly meetings to stay the course, bring that up. If you think your problems are worth looping in a couple’s therapist, that’s fine, too, but express it. Even though it might feel awkward sometimes, remember that having these discussions will make you two so much stronger in the long run.

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Love in the Time of Coronavirus: Dating During Covid

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The coronavirus heavily impacted so many areas in our lives. Finding love, a common preoccupation especially among singles all around the world became even more impossible as lockdowns were established to halt the rapid spread of the COVID-19 infection. A multitude of dating apps suddenly sprung up to cater to the loveless, allowing more people to mingle online instead of offline.

Dating Coronavirus

When quarantine measures first occurred in the early part of 2020, Alan McMahon, a 29-year-old freelance production manager, subscribed to the $30 monthly subscription on one of the dating apps, Hinge. There, he met Brooke, his current girlfriend.

The two eventually decided to hike across the Runyon Canyon, Los Angeles’ popular and scenic trail. During the said hike, they became increasingly at ease with each other until they decided to remove their masks. That was the time when Alan knew this date was different. “All caution was thrown to the wind,” asserts Alan, referring to the famous coronavirus protocol of wearing masks while in the presence of other people.

That was a few months ago. Now, the couple are still together, splitting their time together between her Long Beach apartment and his West Hollywood one. Both have accomplished the impossible and found love during COVID-19.

Alan believes that he has “found his soul mate during the most unlikely of times”. They are hoping to get married in Vegas as soon as the chapels open there.

Dating Exclusively

While this sounds like a perfect, if not improbable, reality for all, dating sites have become even more popular as more and more single people hope to find someone to be with online. Experts assert that the current pandemic has actually made it even more convenient for singles to find possible matches.

“Because we have this dedicated time to find love, there are no distractions — you’re not a bar looking at people around you or looking at your drink. Everyone’s more present and they are more conscious about the way they are showing up to these virtual or real-life dates,” shares Yue Xu, co-host of the ‘Dateable’ podcast.

Indeed, more individuals find it easier to focus their attention to finding more serious, exclusive relationships as they are able to pick their matches using these dating apps. They get to pinpoint possible prospects using these apps’ feature of entering specific traits they may prefer and go on from there.

Love and Companionship

One of the greatest challenges pre-COVID-19 was that there were too many candidates out there. Everyone was preoccupied with work, studies, and other things. Now, however, people get the much-needed time-off from their regular, busy lives. Singles are provided the chance to look into their individual, isolated lives and realize the importance of companionship—and, ultimately, love.

Perhaps, one of the major lessons from this pandemic, then, is that we are all social beings—we all long to be with someone other than ourselves. Like Alan and his girlfriend, Brooke, love during Covid can still become a reality for single adults who continue to long for a partner to share their lives with. The internet is filled with many dating apps to help make that pervasive dream a reality.

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Beauty

Deep Breathing Techniques To Change Your Life

  

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 Breathing is fundamental. If you’re not breathing, you’re not living. But did you know if you actually focus on your breathing you can help lower blood pressure, sharpen your memory and reduce stress? That’s right, taking deep focused breaths can actually save your life. That’s why we want to give you a beginners guide to learn how to breathe deep and better enjoy your life.

4-7-8 BREATHING

     Don’t channel Bill Clinton, because for this exercise you’re actually supposed to inhale. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds. Try to fill your belly up with air instead of your chest. Then hold your breath for seven seconds before slowly exhaling out of your mouth for eight seconds. Repeat this for a couple of minutes and then work up to repeating longer. This is a great way to get oxygen in your blood which is great for your body.

BREATH THROUGH THE CRAVINGS

     Instead of binge-drinking, binge-eating and binge-watching try binge-breathing. If you get a craving just sit up straight and take some deep breaths until you no longer crave those bad body no-nos.

Let’s face it, booze TV and cookies are bad for you, and breathing is good for you. So instead of indulging in those sinful treats, just breathe and feel the cravings melt away. 

DON’T JUST SIT AROUND

     Make sure you get up every house at work or around the house and take a small little walk around, drink some water and take a couple of minutes to breathe deep and center yourself. You will be astonished at how much this improves your attitude for the rest of the day and improves your ability to think on your feet and remain calm as well.

GET SOME APPS

     You don’t have to remember all of these steps yourself, there are apps that are specifically made to make it easier for you to remember these deep breathing techniques. Search your app store for apps like Breathe or Calm. These will all keep you focused on deep breathing for a minute every four hours. Come on, you have one minute to spare every four hours, don’t you? If you don’t then you are probably really stressed out and need more deep breathing than ever.

    Deep breathing may very well save your life, so why not take some time out of your day to give it a try. Let’s face it, everyone could be less stressed and have a sharper memory. Working hard doesn’t mean you have to be hard on your body and sometimes eating right and exercising just isn’t enough. When you need to take that extra step then give deep breathing a try. If you breathe deep every four hours and already sleep for eight hours then that means you just need four minutes per day to focus on deep breathing and the benefits make those four measly minutes worthwhile.


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Beauty

Indulge In These Starbucks Drinks Without Feeling Guilty!

A lot of us are addicted to Starbucks. The coffee chain is the easiest way to get your daily dose of caffeine while on the run. You can rely on Starbucks and you’ve grown to trust Starbucks. But what you don’t know is that many of the drinks you slurp down from this chain are […]

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A lot of us are addicted to Starbucks. The coffee chain is the easiest way to get your daily dose of caffeine while on the run. You can rely on Starbucks and you’ve grown to trust Starbucks. But what you don’t know is that many of the drinks you slurp down from this chain are actually pretty fattening. If you’re getting a venti frappuccino with extra whipped cream and a caramel swirl then guess what, that is not a healthy friendly drink. Also with all that sugar, you are setting yourself up for a serious crash. Which kind of defeats the purpose of drinking coffee in the first place.

You don’t have to sacrifice your diet to drink Starbucks, they have plenty of great options that are all under 100 calories so you can stay alert and slim at the same time.

 

Iced Coffee

Iced Coffee is the best bet when you’re looking for a drink that is low calorie. If you get it unsweetened it is only five calories. FIVE! You probably burn more than five calories when using your lip muscles to slurp that drink down. If you hate unsweetened coffee then get it “lightly sweetened” which will bring it up from five calories to sixty, which is still pretty darn good.

 

Cold Brew Coffee

If you’re looking for more of a caffeine punch than cold brew coffee is the one for you. This drink also only has five calories and you can add some non-fat milk to make it 25 calories. Drinking a cold brew coffee will have you bouncing off the walls and your calorie count will still be unbelievably low.

 

Iced Skinny Mocha

If you want some chocolate in your coffee but still want to keep it reasonable then try the iced skinny mocha. You will hardly believe that you’re only drinking 70 calories, but trust us it’s true. With this iced skinny mocha, you won’t be sacrificing taste as much as a skinny mocha sounds. This drink is still very enjoyable despite a few calories.

 

Caramel Frappuccino

Yes, the caramel frappuccino will have exactly 100 calories if you order it light. You need to ask for it to be light or else you will just get a regular gut-busting caramel frappuccino which is definitely not 100 calories. Also light means no whipped cream.

 

Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte

Lattes are great and this one is no exception to the rule. You can sip on this every day considering it’s only 60 calories. At 60 calories it’s hard to say no to this scrumptious treat.

 

Iced Caffe Americano

Americanos are great because they’re just shots of espresso in water and poured over ice. That means that this drink is only ten calories. Just be careful, as with all of these drinks, that you don’t add too many extras including cream and sugar because each pour of extras means extra calories which can add up quicker than you’d think.


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